Throwin’ Shade: What’s your Problem, eh? Some trash talk for Vancouver Whitecaps FC



On Saturday, our Orlando City SC Lions play host to the Whitecaps of Vancouver in a battle between two newer MLS clubs.

Vancouver was granted the 17th team in Major League Soccer back in March of 2009. Eight months later, the owners decided they would, in fact, rip off everything of the USSF team they owned, from the name to the colors, while bringing nothing else of its history to the table.

In fact, this is the third incarnation of the Whitecaps the city of Vancouver has seen. You can knock Canadians for all sorts of things, but let's not leave out their startling lack of creativity. Someone's got to pick the low hanging fruit.

Remember when the Canadian Football League had the Roughriders as one team, and another team named the Rough Riders? Notice the space?! What, you don't remember? Of course not, because it's Canadian football, and just like Canadian bacon, stands as a testament to the tried and true fact that when you put the word "Canadian" in front of anything, it instantly gets exponentially worse.

Last season, Vancouver became the only Canadian team to qualify for the MLS Playoffs twice. How did their biggest supporters groups, the Southsiders and Curva Collective react? Come on, it's Canada. Nobody cares.

Speaking of nobody caring, the only reason part owner Steve Nash (one of maybe five Canadians that are worth knowing outside of Canada, and he didn't even play hockey) has a stake in the team, is he couldn't get one in Tottenham.

While teams around the league boast star players like Clint Dempsey, Michael Bradley, Jozy Altidore, David Villa, Steven Gerrard, and Kaká, Vancouver toots the horn of “home grown” Sam Adekugbe.

The thing about Sam? He's from London. Most things from Canada do what? Say with with me: "SUCK!"

Cyle Larin – The only good thing to come from soccer in Canada

For crying out loud, the ownership has a waterfront plot of land that they can't get the local residents to let them build their own stadium on. In Orlando? Well, here, #WeDigPurple.

The city wasn't even founded until 1862. If you didn't know any better, you'd think Houston was already playing soccer back then.

Don't let the joke that is the country they're from fool you, however. This is a quality side with a cavalcade of Cascadia Cups in their trophy case. That basically means they're traditionally the best team in the Pacific Northwest.

Stop laughing! It's impressive, dammit!

From Keanu Reeves to Justin Bieber, the Canadian Football League to Canadian bacon, and the Roughriders to the Rough Riders, Canada as an entire country makes you shake your head. Oh, Canada, indeed.

Saturday, we take our three points and send the Whitecaps on a dogsled right back to the terrible white north. Or whatever mode of transportation they use. Mule and buggy, maybe? I don't know, I live in America. Go City!


Exit mobile version