Throwin’ Shade: A Little Trash Talk for Toronto FC

Last weekend was a hellish nightmare for us all. We went to Columbus for three points and came back with no points, and less to be proud of. Luckily for us, we’re welcoming illustrious Toronto FC to Orlando on the heels of a four-game losing streak.

Toronto, capital city of Ontario, is the home of the Blue Jays, Raptors, Maple Leafs, an incredible performing arts scene, and of course, the historic Canadian Walk of Fame.

Complete with cracked square and cigarette butt.

If incredibly depressing tributes to the nation’s heroes don’t do it for you, then Nathan Phillips Park is quite the sight: A beautiful park that opens up to City Hall. Toronto City Hall, eh? I know where you think I’m going with this.

Former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford

But I wasn’t going to poke fun at Rob Ford. It’s too easy. If you’re interested in his antics, give it a Google. It’s worth a Google.

Instead, I just want to show you a picture of the beautiful Nathan Phillips Park. Honest.

Stunningly beautiful, indeed.

If you're more of a nightlife person, you'll probably more appreciate the famed Toronto strip.

It may not be appealing to us Floridians, but those are the mean streets that spawned meme-makers' best friend.

But of course, we’re here because of the upcoming soccer match. Toronto came into the season with loads of hype, featuring a big three of Michael Bradley, Jozy Altidore, and Sebastian Giovinco. These big money players have paired together to lead Toronto to a 1-4-0 record, leaving them just one point out of last in the Eastern Conference.

Of course, last place is the Montreal Impact. As in Montreal, Canada. Canada sucks at everything.

While the record is certainly harsh, that’s not to say that the boys on the pitch haven’t been creating highlights of their own in the Great White North.

Michael Bradley is shown above making a spirited effort at stopping the counter attack after a simple turnover.

And of course, it’s been well noted that Toronto’s back line is the biggest punchline to come to MLS since the announcement of expansion into Canada.

Our first example is Fabian Castillo catching the entire city napping less than thirty seconds into the match.

But let us please not forget this delightful mishap.

If you listen closely, you can actively hear the disappointment in the broadcaster’s voice.

Magical.

When these eskimos visit the City Beautiful to take on the boys from Orlando City, let’s all remember one thing.

At least we aren’t responsible for this.