Throwin’ Shade: Some Orlando City Trash Talk for the LA Galaxy

It’s almost over, folks. This three-game in eight days stretch is coming to an end — a slow, merciless end — this Sunday when what’s left of the boys in purple take on the LA Galaxy at the Citrus Bowl.

We know we won’t have Kevin Molino. We all saw Aurelien Colin leave the game clutching his hamstring Wednesday night, and we all remember when Pedro Ribeiro went down with a blown hammy himself.

We also won't have a history of horridly disgusting kits.

Luckily for everyone, David Beckham had a mandatory overhaul of team cosmetics written into his contract, leading to the comparatively tolerable LA crest and kits we know today.

The days of Beckham and Landon Donovan are long gone, and this current Galaxy club is in a holding pattern, biding their time until Steven Gerrard finishes his tea and crumpets and comes on over to U.S. of A.

Without a star man in the middle, this incarnation of the Galaxy has stumbled a step or two out of the gate, amassing 14 points in the first 11 games of the season.

In the meantime, LA sports fans haven’t had a whole lot to get excited about. The Kings of the NHL were a disappointment. The Lakers are in shambles. The Clippers are still covered in the Donald Sterling filth, dancing Steve Ballmer or not. As for the NFL, the city still comes off as the whiny kid who has already blown two chances, but swears if he gets to play with the nice camera a third time he won’t lose it again.

I wanted to follow up picking on their sports teams with picking on their history. Maybe make a joke about the LA riots — something classy, of course. Unfortunately, the club’s supporters beat me to it, naming one of their supporters groups the LA Riot Squad.

Classy, indeed.

Original LA Galaxy logo

Luckily, the residents of Los Angeles are always there to amuse us. A topical and wildly over the top example would of course be the Masonic Fraternal Police Department, which of course dates back to 1100 B.C. and has jurisdiction in 33 states and Mexico.

Los Angelites also have a new attraction in town, the Simi Valley Mercury Spill, which somehow remained open for 10 (ten!) days on some guy’s driveway. The environmentally conscious capital of the world, right? Right?

Look, we all know the Galaxy have talent on the pitch. Omar Gonzalez, Robbie Keane, Gyasi Zardes, Bradford Jamieson IV, Juninho, the list goes on. This will be an extraordinarily tough test for the Lions, their third game in a grueling eight day stretch that has the rest of Major League Soccer saying, “Welcome to the big leagues, boys!”

But one thing we can rest assured knowing as our boys in purple deliver three points in front of over 33,000 rowdy as hell fans on Sunday is this: This wasn’t our fault.

We would have stopped it.