The Mane Land MLS Power Rankings: Week 25



Like a great many of you, I’m sure, I am a player of the EA Sports FIFA video game series. Lately I’ve been playing with the LA Galaxy — not because I like them, but simply because they’re the first American team that you can actually be competitive with against the better European teams.

That is tangible evidence of the leaps that MLS and the Galaxy have taken this summer. They will be the first MLS team to win the CONCACAF Champions League. There's no doubt.

1. LA Galaxy (Last Week: 1)

I'll just leave these videos here to prove my point for me:

Oh, there's this article that quotes Steven Gerrard as saying that the Galaxy would "for sure" be competitive in England. Take that with however many grains of salt that you want to.

2. Vancouver Whitecaps (Last Week: 4)

The 'Caps have the most wins in the league and are averaging a league best 1.73 points per contest. They just keep on keepin' on.

3. New York Red Bulls (Last Week: 3)

4. FC Dallas (Last Week: 6)

Dallas improves this week after a loss for three reasons. 1) They lost to a good team (Vancouver) by a close margin (1-0). 2) SKC was outscored 8-2 this week. 3) D.C. United has lost two in a row to teams that it is above in the Supporters’ Shield standings.

5. Columbus Crew SC (Last Week: 10)

This week was the Columbus Crew in a nutshell. One result — dropping points at home to NYCFC — was disappointing, while the other — beating SKC — was great. Columbus has the talent to beat anyone, but lacks the consistency to make a run at the Supporters’ Shield. The MLS Cup, however, is a different story. If Columbus gets hot at the right time, I’m convinced that they can ride Kei Kamara all the way to a championship.

6. Sporting Kansas City (Last Week: 2)

Dear SKC,

Jeezus. What a week. There's not much I can really say, except that I apologize for firing up San Jose last week with my remarks. You guys were the unfortunate recipients of that anger, and I have written the Quakes a letter apologizing for my actions. That other result is on you guys.

Yours always,


7. D.C. United (Last Week: 4)

I'm not a believer in D.C. I've said it before, and I'm sticking by it. They've accumulated 44 points and are in the hunt, but they're not winning anything.

8. Portland Timbers (Last Week: 7)

I love how Caleb Porter is getting angry over the amount of stoppage time that was added just as Diego Chara got a red card. He looks like such a d-bag, screaming at the ref while a crucial moment is taking place. Maybe I’m just a Caleb Porter hater.

9. New England Revolution (Las Week: 8)

10. Houston Dynamo (Last Week: 9)

Owen Coyle upgraded to long sleeve pajamas this week. The post-game handshake between Coyle and Caleb Porter looked like a homeless man shaking the hand of a rich businessman while asking for change. Come on, O-Dog. I like you too much to see you dress like this.

11. Toronto FC (Last Week: 11)

To reiterate what I’ve been saying for weeks, Sebastian Giovinco is the MVP. I don’t care that Toronto is in the bottom half of the Supporters’ Shield standings. Giovinco is second in goals, fourth in assists, and first in shots and shots on goal. Without him, Toronto would be looking at relegation. That’s right, they would be so bad that MLS would have no other choice then to change its rules to relegate the Reds.

12. San Jose Earthquakes (Last Week: 14)

Dear San Jose,

Sorry I ripped you guys last week. It was totally called for, but I suppose you guys didn’t agree. You do still have Chris Wondolowski, so you’re still a dangerous team, and that was a major ass whoopin’ you put on SKC. I guess what I’m saying is: you’re welcome for the motivation.



13. Real Salt Lake (Last Week: 13)

14. Montreal Impact (Last Week: 12)

15. Seattle Sounders (Last Week: 15)

Back to earth, at least temporarily for Seattle. If the Sounders miss the playoffs, I'll be shocked. However, they are tied on points with the Quakes and San Jose has a game in hand. That's the definition of cutting it close.

16. New York City FC (Last Week: 16)

17. Orlando City (Last Week: 17)

Perhaps Orlando should change its nickname to the Bulls, because bad things happen when you show them red.

18. Colorado Rapids (Last Week: 18)

19. Philadelphia Union (Last Week: 20)

20. Chicago Fire (Last Week: 19)

ESPN's Dan Thomas introduced the Colorado-Chicago highlight on ESPN FC this week by saying something to the effect of, "Here's a couple of teams that have had terrible years." Meanwhile, Chicago is just five points back of the final Eastern Conference playoff position.

In other news, the East is a joke and MLS needs to reduce the number of playoff teams.


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