What I Would Do With Orlando City If I Won the Powerball

Like you and millions of other Americans this past week, I bought my tickets — five to be exact — for a shot at winning the lucrative Powerball and the $930~ million prize attached to it. With no winner claiming the prize on Saturday, the cash prize will climb over a billion dollars for the first time in U.S. history.

Honestly, I have no idea how I would be able to blow through a $1 billion in my lifetime, but I know some of what I'd try to do with it.

I love sports. Love ‘em to death. So naturally, my first instinct would be to buy, or at least invest in a sports franchise. Realistically, buying the New York Yankees or Dallas Cowboys would be impossible, so my thought is to stick with something smaller. Soccer is a booming sport in America, as we know, with dozens of investors around the country looking at breaking into the soccer landscape, with many hoping to lift their teams into MLS.

Building a team from scratch is hard, and not worth my time, honestly — even as great as the idea of Hawaii FC sounds. So I’ll just go after someone established. Orlando City seems cool.

My first phone call as a billionaire would be to Flavio Augusto da Silva. We'd talk numbers, haggle a little, but eventually I'd be handed the keys to the club.

What would I do as owner? Glad you asked.

• Dare to Zlatan? No, we could do better than that. More like Dare to Messi. And Ronaldo. I dare to both.
• The big rotating Lion will be in the new stadium. Oh, and did I mention it'll breathe fire?
• Also, the field will be purple. This is no silly April Fool's joke.
• Free beer. Every game. Seriously, it's free.
• Taylor Swift would play every post-game concert. Because of course.
• Ian Darke would be hired to call all games for the club.
• Gold kits.
• And black kits.

A big "Hit it Here" sign in The Wall that, if hit by an Orlando City player during the game, rewards fans with half-price tickets. Hmmm…might have to trade Carlos Rivas to avoid taking a big hit in ticket money.
And then, after a year, I'll probably cut back and go super cheap for a while.

Orlando City is a great club, and all things aside, Flavio has done a lot to make what they are now entering just their second year in MLS. But, you know, I think I'd be a pretty great owner, too.

Good luck to all of you playing again tonight, and, as they say in that book/movie series which I've only seen the first movie: May the odds be ever in your favor.