The Mane Land 2016 MLS Power Rankings: Week 13

MLS is taking a couple weeks off to accommodate the Copa América and the U.S. Open Cup and, like anybody on their last week before vacation, MLS was a little half-assed over the past seven days. Only six games in the league this week for yours truly to ponder (though Toronto and Montreal faced off in Canadian Championship action).

Behold your MLS Summer Vacation Edition Power Rankings!

1. Colorado Rapids (Last Week: 2)

Go ahead and pinch yourself — this is real. Colorado is in first place in the league and in these power rankings. I have no idea how this happened.

2. LA Galaxy (Last Week: 1)

I've been giving LA credit for having games in hand (of which they still have two) on first-place Colorado, but games in hand are no good if you can't capitalize and take all three points. LA drew 0-0 at home with SKC this week, making four of the Galaxy's last six games draws, with only one of the other two being victories. Not a good trend.

3. FC Dallas (Last Week: 3)

A 1-1 draw at home for Dallas against Houston is the cross-state rivalry that deserves a more creative name than it has. I hate calling American soccer rivalries derbies, OK? OK. In fact, soccer rivalries played anywhere outside of Britain shouldn't be called derbies. Calling Houston-Dallas the Texas Derby is so lazy, boring, unimaginative and phony that I wish I weren't the only person that seems to have a problem with it. Lone Star Cup? Battle for the Star of Texas? The George Strait Series? Give me something.

Also, I think if they leave those mud pits that developed in front of the goals after that rain delay more people will show up. Texans love dirt, right? (No, I will not stop making fun of states based on stereotypes I have in my head. Call it insecurity; I'm from Kentucky after all.)

4. Philadelphia Union (Last Week: 6)

A 3-1, come-from-behind win for Philly against C-Bus this week. The Union got a goal from a German rookie whose first name is Fabian. I'm on board.

5. New York Red Bulls (Last Week: 5)

Gotta think this break in action comes at a bad time for the Red Bulls. All the momentum from their three straight victories might well subside.

6. San Jose Earthquakes (Last Week: 6)

San Jose lost to Portland, in a game that featured neither Darlington Nagbe nor Chris Wondolowski. Apparently the league is allowing the result to stand despite that fact.

7. Real Salt Lake (Last Week: 8)

Remember back in your high school Spanish class when you had to pick a Spanish name to go by (or were all of my Spanish teachers really weird)? Mi nombre era Nacho. Freshman year, my friend Dakota Collins — who thought himself a bit of a class clown — wanted to take the name Burrito, but our teacher disallowed it on the grounds of silliness. So, Señora Schaefer, I would like to introduce you to Juan Manuel Martínez (nickname: Burrito) in a several-years-late defense of my friend Dakota.

Score one for my adolescent sense of insubordination.

8. Vancouver Whitecaps (Last Week: 7)

Vancouver drew the long straw in the Canadian Championship, as the Caps avoid the other two Canadian MLS outfits in this round. An easier route to the CONCACAF Champions League is always a good thing.

9. Portland Timbers (Last Week: 10)

Whoever did the play-by-play this week for Portland gleefully called Liam Ridgewell's goal celebration the "Ridgie Roll," and people wonder why the Mike Francescas of the world don't take soccer seriously.

10. Montreal Impact (Last Week: 9)

11. Toronto FC (Last Week: 11)

I really hope a fight breaks out between Toronto and Montreal in the Canadian Championship this week so that I'll have a reason to care about the Canadian Championship, if only for the two minutes it would take me to watch the Vine.

12. Orlando City (Last Week: 13)

Here you go, Michael. [Editor's note: Dude.]

13. D.C. United (Last Week: 12)

I wonder if D.C. fans are relishing the last few games in which they can rightly call themselves simply "United" without drawing confusion from other MLS fans.

14. Sporting Kansas City (Last Week: 14)

SKC has won just one game in its last 11. That is downright awful.

15. New England Revolution (Last Week: 15)

Think the Revs might be kicking themselves over the whole letting Jermaine Jones go thing?

16. Seattle Sounders (Last Week: 18)

Jordan Morris scored for Seattle this week. I think our friends over at Sounder At Heart should come up with a nickname for Morris, because I really don’t want us all to fall into the early 2000s Linda Cohn trap of initial-based nicknames. Ten years ago we had T-Mac, A-Rod, D-Lowe, KG and LT to name a few, and I don’t want to add J-Mo to the list because our previously mentioned lack of creativity as soccer fans.

17. New York City FC (Last Week: 16)

The Bronx Bottom Dwellers (I'm trying it on for size) now have the worst goal differential in the league at -7.

18. Columbus Crew SC (Last Week: 17)

Ola Kamara scored again for C-Bus in its loss against Philly this week. Really wish he had chosen to wear No. 23, so that all of those Columbus fans could still proudly wear those jerseys that they dropped some nice coin on just a year ago.

19. Houston Dynamo (Last Week: 20)

Ricardo Clark scored an excellent goal for Houston this week, and that’s about the only nice thing I can say about the Dynamo.

20. Chicago Fire (Last Week: 19)

Oh wait, here's something else nice I can say about the Dynamo: they're better than the Fire!